Never
by charlie2299
Summary: "Please don't let me go," she said, her eyes still closed.  "Never."


_Me and your father will be in New York for the weekend visiting your uncle. We should be back late Monday. Call me if you need anything_.

That's it. No 'love you!'. No 'sorry we're always leaving you alone during the weekends and you're too scared to sleep because you think A is going to kill you in your sleep'. Not that the would know about that last one, but still. Spencer couldn't stand being alone that night.

She texted Emily, but she was at swim. Aria was spending the weekend with her mom and she didn't really care what Hanna was doing, she didn't want to face any of them after rehab. It was so embarrassing. She was a Hastings, suppose to be the strongest and not make any mistakes. But in the last couple of years she had become an addict, relapsed, verbally abused her family and friends while on the pills, could have killed her best friend, gone to a mental hospital, kidnapped a 7 year old while being apart of the A Team, and her grade level average was dropping every week. Although she was also embarrassed to see her boyfriend, Toby, she decided to go over to his loft anyway. Quickly she put together a small bag of clothing and her toothbrush and was out the door.

When she got to the loft, she hesitated before knocking. Right when she was about to leave, feeling foolish, Toby opened the door.

"Hey," Toby said, already in his plaid pajama pants and a gray t-shirt. "I saw your car park across the street…" He looked down at the suitcase. "Is everything alright?"

Spencer stared at him with her mouth open. Should she lie, just tell him she missed him? Should she tell him the truth and face utter embarrassment? As the possibilities ran through her mind, she realized she had been standing there blankly for a decent amount of time.

"Can I come in?" She stated. Toby opened the door wider and stepped back as she walked through into the snug loft. Spencer dropped her small duffle on the ground and rubbed her temples.

"Spence, you're scaring me," he said walking over towards his pacing girlfriend. "Talk to me."

"I was in rehab." Spencer blurted out. "I wasn't in Connecticut with my parents. I was in Philly at a rehabilitation center." She avoided looking into Toby's electric blue eyes, as they were surely filled with disappointment.

"Oh, Spencer…" he said, shocked. "You said you were handling it."

"I know and I lied!" she cried. "You told me to call you but I was too afraid. I relapsed." Tears threatened her chestnut eyes as she poured her heart out. "Do you know why I was afraid? Because I'm a coward. I'm a coward that doesn't deserve the friends I have and God knows I don't deserve you. My parents are out of town and I don't even have the courage to stay home alone for a weekend. Is that normal for an 18 year old? No, I didn't think so. It's no wonder my parents are always traveling. It's to get away from their screw up daughter." Spencer sobbed as she fell onto the paused before kneeling in front of his bawling girlfriend.

"Spencer," Toby said, placing his hands on her knees and tried to find her eyes with her head placed in her shaking hands. "Spencer look at me." He insisted. Toby gently raised her neck with one of his hands and caressed her heated face. "You are one of the bravest people I've ever met. And don't even think for one second that you don't deserve me. I love you Spencer Hastings. Flaws and all."

"You're not mad at me for relapsing?" Spencer asked, her voice raspy from crying.

"I might be disappointed, but never mad. You can't control an addiction freehanded." Toby brushed back her bangs that were caught in her wet eyes.

"I love you so much." Spencer stated, tears still swimming in her eyes.

"I love you too." Toby kissed her forehead. "You feel a little warm. Do you want me to make you some soup?"

"No, thank you. Fevers are a side effect of the new medication I'm on," Spencer said wiping her eyes. "Prescribed, medication." She added.

"Let me know if you change your mind, okay?" Toby said with a hint of worry in his voice. "How about a movie? Your choice."

"No no you can choose. I already invited myself to stay the weekend." "You say that like I don't want you to stay here. If it was my way, I would wake up and fall asleep next to you everyday." Toby said and pressed his forehead against hers.

"Keep wishing and that just might come true," she smiled, this time it carried to her eyes. At the sight of her smile Toby smiled back and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. He grabbed a nearby blanket and draped it over the two of them as he say down next to his shaking girlfriend. She cuddled up next to him and he put his arm around her holding her tight. Spencer closed her eyes as she heavily breathed in at his chest.

"Please don't let me go," she said, her eyes still closed.

"Never."


End file.
